Emotions

                                        Emotions

        No person, gay or straight, will ever be able to even fathom what I felt when he left me. The emotions were endless.

Jealousy. I envied his new boyfriend. I envied the way he enticed Justin. The way he was so good at lying to Justin's face, only to make everything seem less surreal; their new 'love', their life, Justin leaving me…

Depressed. My Sunshine was gone. My blonde haired, blue eyed Sunshine left me for some schmoozing violinist. No more night time chats, no more blinded love, no more anything.

Pissed. After everything I gave him, I everything we went through together. His coming out, his virginity loss, his bashing. He hasn't even called. It's like none of it ever occurred. Like I never occurred.

Proud. I'm proud I didn't give into him when he asked "Would you care if I wasn't here?" I didn't lie. I didn't say yes or no. I said, "It's your choice where you want to be." He should've known better, I wouldn't be the deciding factor.

Besides the fact I let him leave, I did it for all the right reasons. I can't always watch out for him. He has to make his own mistakes in the world. Also, I can't hold him hostage. As much as I'd like to, it's illegal.

Let's just call Ethan mistake number two. Brian Kinney was mistake number one, but I'll never regret it.